What are you really signalling?
Picture this.
A senior leader cracks a light, well-timed joke just before a high-stakes strategy session. Laughter ripples across the room. Shoulders drop. Someone who’s usually quiet speaks up more openly. The energy shifts. Something loosens.
What just happened?
Was it just a joke? A social lubricant? A fleeting moment of levity?
Or was it something more powerful — a signal?
Signalling Theory in a Nutshell
In biology, economics, and social psychology, signalling theory is the study of how organisms (including humans) send messages about themselves — often without words.
We’re all sending signals, all the time: about our status, intentions, emotional state, and trustworthiness. Some are deliberate (“I care about inclusion”), others are subtle but loud (eye contact, posture, humour). Some signals are easy to fake (cheap talk); others are costly and therefore more credible.
A classic example: the peacock’s tail. Enormous, energy-intensive, and evolutionarily risky — but precisely because it’s costly, it’s also honest. You can’t fake that kind of flair and survive. That’s the point.
So… What Does This Have to Do With Playfulness?
A lot, actually.
Playfulness, when expressed authentically under pressure, is a high-trust signal.
It says:
- “I’m not in threat. You don’t need to be either.”
- “We can be flexible here.”
- “It’s safe to think differently.”
- “We’re not stuck. We can shift.”
This is especially powerful in high-stakes, high-complexity contexts — the kind many of us live and lead in every day. Uncertainty is high. Tension is thick. Everyone’s scanning for signs: Are we safe? Can I speak freely? Is creativity welcome here, or just performative?
When a leader brings genuine playfulness — whether through light-hearted humour, a curious question, or a whimsical reframing — they’re not just “adding fun.”
They’re signalling a different kind of climate.
They’re saying: There’s space here. Let’s explore.
Not All Playfulness Is Created Equa
Just as in signalling theory, some signals are honest, others are cheap talk.
We’ve all felt it: the forced “fun,” the awkward icebreaker, the manager who tries to lighten the mood without actually doing the inner work to hold the space. It rings false.
Why?
Because the signal is incongruent. It says “I’m playful,” but the tone, tension, or unspoken fear says otherwise.
Authentic playfulness requires attunement — to yourself, the moment, and the people around you. It’s not about performance. It’s about presence. And that presence is a signal in itself.
“If your playfulness doesn’t feel safe, it’s not a signal — it’s noise.”
Your State Is a Signal
Here’s the thing most leaders underestimate:
You are the signal.
Your nervous system is a live broadcast that your team is tuned into — whether they’re conscious of it or not.
Stress, fear, tight control? That signals danger.
Curiosity, humour, flexibility? That signals safety.
And from safety comes openness. From openness comes creativity. From creativity comes progress.
This is why playfulness isn’t a side effect of thriving — it’s an indicator. A diagnostic. A signal that things are working as they should.
Practical Ways to Signal Safety Through Playfulness
You don’t need to be a comedian, or the “fun one,” to use playfulness well. In fact, playfulness isn’t about being funny — it’s about being free enough to be present, human, and mentally loose under pressure.
Here are a few ways to play with this, honestly:
- Shift your state before you try to shift the team. Pause. Breathe. Move. Then lead.
- Use questions that signal curiosity, not control. Try: “What’s the weirdest idea we haven’t considered yet?”
- Let levity emerge, don’t manufacture it. Authenticity lands. Pretence doesn’t.
- Notice who’s playing and who’s protecting. That’s your cultural radar.
- Model safe risk-taking. Say “I don’t know” before expecting others to.
Final Thought: The Signal Worth Sending
We live in a time of overwork, uncertainty, and hypervigilance. Many teams are technically “performing,” but emotionally flatlined. The unspoken vibe? Protect. Conform. Don’t mess it up.
Playfulness, used well, cuts through all that.
It doesn’t just lighten the room — it signals that something deeper is allowed:
Freedom. Safety. Presence. Possibility.
So the next time you walk into a meeting, a tough moment, or a creative deadlock — ask yourself not just what you’re saying, but:
What am I signalling?
And if the signal is real, human, and a little playful — chances are, it’ll carry further than you think.